What does it do?

The Dialogue Modality allows you to speak directly to an emotion, thought, person, limiting belief, or anything else causing you pain in your life. Using this powerful tool, you can process and release any limitation holding you back so you can move forward and create the life you deserve.

Who is it useful for?

Anyone looking for a process that can be used on a daily basis to make a change or life improvement.

The Dialogue Modality

The Dialogue Modality is an opportunity to speak directly with an emotion, thought, person, limiting belief or anything causing you pain in your life to get to the root of the issue.

Many of us subconsciously and consistently identify with negative emotions or destructive thought patterns, and as a result those thoughts and feelings can anchor themselves inside of our brains and nervous system, creating a destructive pattern that can impact us for years.

Much in the same way that a person who is severely out of shape might think, “Oh no, I’m not a runner” or “I could never do that,” when you identify with negative emotions or consistent debilitating thoughts, you begin to believe them to be true. You then buy into your ego-based unconsciousness and let it taint your truth. You may propagate this by saying (and believing) things like “I am an angry person” or “I’m always anxious” and this cements it inside your head.

To redefine your negative thoughts and break this pattern, you need to distinguish yourself from the emotion or thought process causing the pain. This can be accomplished using the Dialogue Modality, which is a written or spoken exercise that consists of having a conversation with the painful trigger or feeling itself.

The dialogue should be held between you and the emotion that you are experiencing. First, name the emotion, thought or habit that you are working with. For example, you might be dealing with a lot of anger and therefore name your sub-personality Angry Guy (“AG”) or Anger (“A”). Naming this part of you, which isn’t really you, helps stop your identification with it and begins to allow you to see it as a separate entity that can be processed and released from your body and mind. Once you begin to name and speak with your sub-personalities, you can control them, get rid of them, and transform them into positive thoughts and actions.

Once the problem has been identified and named, you then begin to write a back-and-forth discussion with that emotion or thought pattern as a way to convert the negative energy of that persona that you have created into a more positive emotion or something better.

Example

Below is an example between a client “Daniel” and his Angry Guy Sub-personality. Daniel has been suffering from frequent debilitating anger and is ready to do a dialogue so he can process and release it:

Daniel: You have been so angry lately and it is affecting me very negatively.

Angry Guy: That’s my job. We have to be angry, especially when things don’t go our way.

Daniel: I hear and feel your anger and it is causing problems in my relationship and in my interactions with others.

Angry Guy: Good, screw them! We need to be angry.

Daniel: No, we can stop. We can release that anger in healthier ways. I can journal and take deep breaths. And I can remind myself that everything is okay.

Angry Guy: No way, we have to get angry and get back at these people screwing us over.

Daniel: We can settle this by watching how we think. We can remind ourselves that the actions of others cause us to think upsetting thoughts that aren’t true. We can self-soothe in this moments.

Angry Guy: I don’t know, I’m not sure about this.

Daniel: Just try. Try to soothe ourselves and release the anger. Okay?

Angry Guy: Okay.

.     .     .

Steps

Use these 5 steps:

1. Identify the “Sub-Personality”

Begin by identifying the “sub-personality,” which can be a negative emotion, person, or thought that you are experiencing. For example, if you are very afraid about your finances, the sub-personality could be Fear of Money “FoM” or Finances Guy “FG.”

2. Prepare the Dialogue

Now get a pen and paper, Word document, or whatever you are most comfortable with. Write on the piece of paper “Me:” on one line and “Sub-personality:” on the next line.

3. Have the Sub-Personality Start the Conversation

Start the conversation, beginning with the negative sub-personality that needs to be confronted. For example, the conversation might start: “Guilty Guy: Why aren’t you going to George’s wedding? You should feel so guilty and awful.”

4. Have the Client Respond Positively

Next, have your client write out a direct response to the sub-personality, coming from a place of love, kindness, peace, and truth.

An example response might be: “Me: We’ve grown apart over the years and no longer share similar values. I am choosing to put myself first and protect myself from people who are bad influences.”

5. Continue the Dialogue Until It Feels Complete

Continue a back-and-forth discussion with your sub-personality until you have worked through the issue and transformed the negative thought into a positive one.

.     .     .

Tips for Doing a Dialogue

Try to stay focused and not to give up on the exercise until complete.

Note: This exercise should not take pages and pages to write. You should be able to complete a dialogue in only 8-10 lines. The challenge is to face your negative thoughts and transform them into positive ones.

Dialogues are especially useful if you are self-identifying with compulsions or negative emotions. It gives you a way to disassociate yourself from the issue and find positive solutions to transform your negative thoughts and behaviors.

Doing the dialogue is just the first step. Here are some follow-up tips:

• Many negative sub-personalities will require revisiting. One dialogue is usually insufficient to release it.
• Save all of your dialogues for later review. Set aside a time once a week to review your recent dialogues. Journal and write a reflection after reading them.
• Share a dialogue with a spouse or loved one if appropriate for support.

Great for…

• People who tend to identify with their negative emotions or thought patterns
• People ready to break free from limiting beliefs or lack of motivation
• People who are holding themselves back because of things they believe to be true about themselves
• People who are struggling with compulsive behaviors

Listen:

Listen to my Podcast Episode where I describe the dialogue modality in more detail: